Saturday, August 30, 2008

long hard week

it has been almost a week since i lost my dear friend.

i've been running a lot and listening to music. i have leaned on my understanding husband and tried to share this odd emptiness with a different friend...

i write a lot, and i drove around taking pictures of corn. (when i type it out, it sounds sort of wacky, but these are some awesome pictures!) i am working on a painting of a sunset. (when it is complete, i am going to do a corn series. i have had it rolling around in my head for a couple of years and now seems like the right time.)

*sigh* still... i am very out-of-sorts.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

thank you

thank you for the information.

thank you for the laughter.

thank you for the email ocean;

and thank you for the time.


thank you for the compliments.

thank you for the book list.

thank you for the weemee smiles;

and thank you for the music.


thank you for the wisdom.

thank you for the articles.

thank you for the hockey game;

and thank you for the beer.


thank you for the memories.

thank you for the restraint.

thank you for the heartache

and letting me know you.

grieving

i am grieving. barely eating. barely sleeping. trying to concentrate at work. drowning in norah jones and explosions in the sky. running. taking care of my boys. painting.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

i ran away and found the painting

i went running tonight to try and get out my feelings and run away from the pain of loosing a dear dear friend and looking for my zen state of mind.
instead i found the painting i will paint of you.
sunset into twilight.
deep ambrosia sky fading to deep midnight ~ above the corn. and i mean 'the corn.' my corn. the corn that was once my saving place. when life seemed at its lowest and the world was closing in and love seemed gone, lost, and abandoning, i sought something and ran into the corn. deep into the corn field in late november with snow all around and corn dried and frozen in the field, i ran and finally stopped.
i remember crying and asking for help and for hope. the hope came. and the hope was the help i needed. each year i watch the corn grow up in the summer. it is not always in the field across from my house, but this year it is.
there is hope.

sometimes life sucks

yeah, that's right. i said sucks (and not in the that's-fun, do-that-some-more way).

i haven't blogged since i started looking for a new job about march or april of 2007. wow. busy, i guess.

now that my studio has been stripped, cleaned, rearranged, categorized, and is awesomely functional for my work style (reminder to self to come back to this topic), i will be putting it to good use these coming weeks to create.

i haven't felt the burning desire to express myself through paint for quite some time. well, a really long time considering that i consider doing art a part of me and something that i used to do daily.

you know, kids, work, LIFE sometimes gets in the way of what we really want. and yes, that can suck. however, painting is not always the kind of release that works - yes, it works, and it has a valued place, but other times like now, words help to.

i am determined to focus a very recent hurtful emotional experience back into the beauty that it started out be. i will represent that. i will paint THAT, and remember it, and treasure IT.