Monday, December 29, 2008

day of change

i ran, i practiced yoga, i meal planned. grocery shopping happened in there somewhere and some other daily stuff. it was nice to be disconnected for most of the day. it isn't often that i allow myself. today it was just needed.

i restarted atkins today and am busy balancing my carb intake. i am a white flour and sugar fiend, so i'm pretty surprised at how really great i feel tonight. my family is happy because i have a plan and cooked an awesome pork chop dinner tonight. i'll check in at day three and see if it is still la-la land...

so dear hubby is playing wii baseball and i want to watch a movie and chat. i was wondering why he wanted me to stay down here with him and not go upstairs and watch tv in the quiet. it must have been the pork chops - a sure way to his heart.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008



my grandmother has congestive heart failure, COPD, some kind of CO2 retention thing that makes givng her oxygen somewhat ineffective because she cant expell the CO2from her lungs- sort of a waiting to exhale thing - bronchitis, pneomonia, edemia, and lung disease...

she is not likely to be going home.

so if she makes it out of ICU this week she'll be moving down the hall to the cardiac therapy unit and from there to a home...

if not, well, there you go.

she is very disoriented from the medication, the sedation for the breathing tube (that did come out today because she needs to cough), and lack of oxygen for quite some time. she didnt know which way up her fork was supposed to go and she keeps asking my mom where sandy is (my mom is sandy). That is all freaky.

she didnt want to come to the hospital. my uncle had to make her come. and now this part.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Sunday Afternoon Football

since grade school i have liked football. i love to play flag football with the guys and had some really great times making memories in grade school, middle school, and high school/college (that is when i was technically still a high schooler going to college and some of the college guys would play too). particularly fun was this time of year when the the snow is out and it is more of a winter sport and an excellent reason to take out some aggression by flag/tag/tackle football in the yard.

kyle and i have always like to toss the ball around in our big yard in the summer and we bring the nerf with us to the beach when we chance to be there together - like on vacation up north. (i mean minnesota lake beaches; we don't go to southerly warm places.)

football in the snow is like an excellent sledding adventure or a really good snow ball fight where you come in after an hour or two with your face frozen, your hands stiff and your thighs and butt so cold it feels incredible to just get out of wet/frozen jeans and sit around in sweatpants getting warm and watching movies.

it was too cold at -5 with 30 to 40 mph winds today to play outside. (well, in my book) clearly the tailgaters have a different book! the four of us were so cold by the time we had walked the 4 blocks from our parking ramp to the dome that i'd already given up my scarf to the 4/12 footer and couldn't feel my cheeks or form a full smile.

it was so fun to head out and take the 4 1/2 footer on his first adventure to the metro dome. he was awed by the size and to think that we could have fit the entire population of our town into the dome 28 times! he spent quite a bit of time just looking around and gawking. well until the cheerleaders came out and he realized that grandpa's binoculars did have a purpose... he liked the spectacle of the game, the showmanship, the noise...

my dad and k (both fair weather fans, in my opinion) were disappointed but excited from the crowd rush at the game. we had 11th row seats on the 20 yard line. i was thinking they were 50 or 45 yard line, but this was way better. not only were the cheerleaders directly in front of us, we so a ton of field action because so much of the game struggle happened at this end of the field during both halves. the 45 would have been boring.

even though the vikes lost, it was still fun. (i am not heart broken. but i wouldn't have minded if they had won the division championship.) i think the typical vikings problem came into play - over confidence. i was reading some of the pre-game coverage on my bb while waiting for the game to start and there was just rampant over confidence. then they gave the ball up three times in a quarter...

the boy was very good. we ate lunch on the way down and shared a giant tub of popcorn about 4:30. we were out of the parking ramp by 7:30 and pulled over at a TGI Friday's on 394 and Louisiana. k and i have been to that one a number of times. i like the interior a lot more than most i have been in. it has 5 levels of floor each about 3 or 4 feet different from the one next to it and a great tin ceiling. 4 1/2 footer was such a grownup during dinner and all evening that it was kind of strange feeling. i'm so used to having to mind him so much and control the interaction to keep brotherly love from hurting either of them that it was very strange (in an exciting, new phase way) to just have a normal conversation with everyone at the table. the boy didn't compete for attention or try to be the center, he just participated in the conversation sometimes and other times just played bejeweled on my palm pilot and observed. my boy is growing up.

i was mentioning to kyle that we could have season tickets to the vikings and the wild if he stopped racing. he doesn't like the wild or watching hockey much (though he has been turning the game on for me lately and watching - i know how romantic!) i tried the well then we could have vikings tickets and season tickets to the hennepin theatre season. he did raise a considering eyebrow as if to think it over for 10 seconds and then said no. i know he was really considering that option with the theatre tickets - they had a reallllly excellent season planned for 08-09 and we didn't get them in time (well that very second that i got the email that they were on sale).

on the drive home, 4 1/2 footer fell asleep listening to his ipod and k and i listened to my dad tell stories. i don't know if that is what it is called other places, but my dad has led an absolutely amazing life and he has so many incredible stories to tell about growing up. i still haven't heard them all. i heard a new one tonight about the cooper rodeo family that was his neighbor in new mexico and how his friend david and he went to work for tuffy cooper and their friend rob to get roping time with real cattle. how they cleaned cattle waterers (just that story was funny) and then how my dad rescued one of the cattle whilst wearing only underwear, a cowboy hat, and his boots - well he had a lasso and a horse too.

i'll have to write up a post just on my dad. he's so heroic and real. he has lived a time in america when great change happened and has lived things that are extinct or not possible any longer - and lived - well he is an extrovert with a very present moment focus and spends his life living. you can tell i admire no one more.

people have occasionally had a hard time believing the things on my resume or the number of things that i've done in my life so far - it's nothing, a drop in the bucket, compared to the extraordinary happenings my dad has participated in. that is just cool.

Saturday, December 20, 2008


Well, big day for me.

i got up this morning and drove through snow for an hour to pick up the rest of my Christmas present order. I shopped for a whole to get the rest of the things on my list and then headed home. Although per usual for me, I lost my car and was looking quite silly pushing my cart through 6 inches of snow and wondering the parking lot... It took an hour and half to make it 35 miles home. I have stuff to bring into the house from the car yet.

When I got home at 11:30 the boys had been playing outside in the snow storm for a couple of hours. We had hot chocolate and Christmas cookies and then went through our chores very quickly. I made lunch and then when cleaning up, I was carrying one of my pans and a trivet stuck to the bottom of it. It fell off and dropped on my big toe. Which has turned purple and hurts and I think is broken. Crap - just in time for my 4 week whip into shape time.

I am sitting on the couch with the White Wonder keeping my legs warm, the ice pack is keeping my foot cold. the boys are making crafts and watching Dragonheart: the New Beginning. they will soon go and lay down for a little bit and rest while i bring in presents from the car.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

4 1/2 footer is photo crazy today

well, that's what i get for saying that i'm always behind the camera (where i like it). the 4 1/2 footer wanted to take pictures. i was laying on the floor with Friday the White Wonder (seen here). 4 1/2 footer got right down on the floor and took some decent pictures. these may be the last you'll ever see...

From OneGirlPainting

From OneGirlPainting

From OneGirlPainting

From OneGirlPainting

From OneGirlPainting

From OneGirlPainting

Also, i put one of us from saturday doing chores. we were washing and drying dishes when Kyle took our photo. my handsome boys.
From OneGirlPainting

weird night, all 'round

got caught in a traffic log jam in downtown st.paul and took me 2 hours to get about 10 miles. when i finally was able to get off the freeway to 'grab something to eat and turn back toward st.paul while i called for a hotel room' it took me 45 minutes to get up the exit, turn right, turn right, turn right, turn right, turn left and enter the freeway again. I was unable to pull into an arby's because of the crazy one-way streets... I did manage to pull off an hour later to get gas and successfully procure some essentials at target. (that's me... the indoor girl... i can make it through any blizzard unprepared - as long as there is an open target within a given radius... sigh)4 hours after leaving starting location, i ended backup within 1 block of there at a holiday inn express.

well, it wasn't as if i had anyone fun to spend the time with or any destination that i would have wanted to visit alone in downtown st.paul during these driving conditions... still, i could have logged in earlier and added code comments to my projects or converted some classes to c#...

instead i lazed around and took a shower and am sitting here with towel wrapped around my head and my gap socks on and a giant wool cardigan wrapped around me. good thing i wore that today and dressed like a little Nanook of the north. This sweater is meant to be like a belted jacket thing, but i got rid of the belt a long time ago. it is just an open cardigan that comes to my knees with this giant cowl collar; its a mottled sage green with heavy sleeves that i roll to make a deep cuff to go with the cowl.

hey that reminds me... you know, i keep a clothing journal. i hadn't really thought much about it except that i'm conscious about wearing the same thing too close together and was trying to get a handle on the matchy-matchy basics of my wardrobe compared to the more attention getting one-of-a-kinds. what prompted me to consider blogging about this was an unfortunate source - a chain email thing.

i didn't respond to the email, but it got me to thinking. i keep a lot of journals. it was never really consciously done; it more grew out of this feeling (of unidentified origin) where i need to write down ideas and feelings right when and where they happen. however, so of the journals break that principal a little bit as they are more like science or experiment journals that chemists and inventors maintain. i have a sketch journal that i take with me when i travel. i sketch in it things i see where i travel and i write little things in it reflecting what was going on at the time. i have a watercolor journal where i keep track of the watercolor techniques i try. i have a surface design on fabric journal where i have been recording all the creation steps and yet unexecuted ideas for silk paintings that i have done since 1993 (although that journal seemed full the last time i recorded something in it and remember wondering what i was going to use for the next book). i keep a weaving journal with all my notes about anything i've woven by hand on looms since 1993 and all my setup notes for my loom and patterns and pictures of projects and setups. i also keep photos in my silk painting/surface design journal.

i have an angry journal where i write out my angry. i don't read back in that one - too unhealthy. sometimes i just use loose leaf paper and throw it away afterwards. i have a sort of life journal which is really a moleskin sketch book that i just like the paper of so much that i write chronological general life stuff. that is next to my bed. also next to my bed is the clothing journal. that's right. i have a sketchbook that i keep notes on outfits and where i wore them. i have a sometime/maybe goal to pull this into a little photo catalog of the items in my closet so that i could just flip through photos of outfits from my own closet to pick out something to wear. and not every possible outfit would make the cut. just the ones that make be feel terrific. essentially, i want to eliminate all things from my wardrobe that i don't love to wear. starting with my work clothes and moving to my everyday clothes.

i want to start on this during my vacation. i have planned to go through and pull all the clothing donations together that i'd boxed up and put into our storage area, so i should do this at the same time. then i will be able to pull together a list of essential things that i'm missing to match with any orphaned items. for instance, i have this really great black, chiffon swing skirt with black embroidery on it; i just cannot seem to find the best top for it.

i wonder if there is any wardrobe planning software out there? where i could be keeping this more simply or with photos embedded? hmm... off i go to google. catcha later, gator!

oh i also keep an aspirations journal that i only look at once a year or so. it is amazing to look back at that thing!

Monday, December 15, 2008

home sweet home at 20 below zero

well, it has sure been terrific being home so much in the last few days. wednesday feels like ages ago instead of less than a week ago. i finished up some big deliverables, sliding in under the wire. in fantasy, like indiana jones reaching for his hat under the descending stone wall - so i'm watching that movie to congratulate myself. i'll post more the technical fanfare on the other site.

i have been home since thursday - and slept until 12:30 uninterrupted... and the memory still is comforting. kids christmas school program thrusday night. i spent friday with a bus load of kids and still have a headache from that, but my son was thrilled to have me there, so that makes it worth it.

saturday found us doing family chores in the morning - we were done by something like 11 o'clock with everything on the normal list. I went the extra several miles doing some of the things that i haven't gotten too in a long time from having to do enough to get by with working so much. i got the floors mopped, i got the bathroom bathtub de-ironed (we have hard water and even with the water softener it i hard to keep the iron at bay unless i am on top of it every week....

well suffice it to say that i was domestic goddess this weekend. i love to be goddess of something so it was satisfying. we had expected a house full of people on sunday, but by mid-day the weather had dropped 15 degrees and the rain turned freezing rain and then 40 mile per hour winds caused all of our guest to rightly remain home instead of venturing the many miles to our place. so we watched movies and ate birthday cake and played games.

by yesterday afternoon i was having a hard time believing that sunday had come and gone. i got to work from home today because the weather was still so bad i had to turn back while driving to work. it is a symptom of living in the middle of nowhere that the white-out conditions we get here from the blowing snow don't happen in the city.

i helped get the plow truck un-stuck this afternoon. realizing as i was huffing into the house that i am no longer really a farm-like girl. it was not fun. it was not an adventure. i don't like being out in the snow struggling with equipment. i would rather pay someone whom does snow removal for a living than being out there myself.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Thursday, December 11, 2008

perhaps adequate sleep makes a girl randy

i was up late last night but didn't have to get up for work this morning. i just slept until i woke up - which is generally sleeping until someone wakes me up at 6 or 6:30 on a weekend morning - but today i woke up slowing from a dream (weird dream) to a sunlit bedroom. of course i'm too blind without my glasses to read the digital clock across the room in the daylight, so found my wrist watch on the side table. 12:30 pm. wow. its been a long time since waking up peacefully at that hour. friday the white wonder greeted me.

i putzed around for a couple of hours pulling some of my task lists together into one place and starting what will be a lengthy process of going through all my 'inboxes' and getting them all to empty while i am on vacation.

i went down and gave blood, picked up some groceries, picked up the kids, and got ready to go to the 4 1/2 footer's Christmas program for school. that was fun and they started on time this year so we were done by 8pm. we came back to the house with my parents and had christmas cookies and milk and put the kids to bed.

now.... an evening of leisure. i find myself not always knowing what to do with leisure time. i pretty much feel like i should be doing something productive at all times that i'm awake. so i'm updating this while watching LOTR: Return of the King. Then I'll probably check the Wild's score online and do some reading. Tomorrow is a school field trip, then chores and christmas decorations to get the house ready for the boys birthday parties on Sunday.

I put in two days in the office and three days at symposium/training before christmas and then i'm off until the 19th of January...! I am starting to get my plan together for what i will accomplish while on vacation. i have already a sort of plan for some of the days - i'm committed to meditating an hour a day and have also decided to very seriously work on getting back in shape. i have the gym membership all warmed up and will be working out 2 hours a day and actually eating correctly. i have it in my head to loose 1o to 15 pounds in the next 6 weeks. time to just get serious about this and do it now that i will have the time to concentrate on me.

christmas cards and present wrapping will occupy me the evenings between now and christmas. and we've decided to do 12 days of christmas present giving so that the gifts for the kids can be spread out until christmas without a mountain of them on christmas. i'm as excited for opening the wii as kyle is. i hope the lightsabre dueling is good!

Thursday, December 04, 2008

5 Friggin Degrees

It was COLD this morning. I wore a skirt and no nylons to work and about froze myself by the time I walked the block to the door. Exposure! No more of that.

I have been working mercilessly or working myself mercilessly lately. I really want these languishing projects done and off of my plate. I also don't want to have my name be mud within several other organizations, so I'm going to deliver on this one - then slow the pace for a while.

I have had a HUGE urge to go ice skating the last week or so. I am bummed that I have zero time to catch up with some friends. I haven't scrapbooked in quite a while. I'm making due with a little bit or reading, massive amounts of ipod listening while programming, and Saturday nights programming and watching Doctor Who.

My oldest turned 8 today. Big fun with grandpa picking him up from school and taking the boys to open swimming at the pool; dinner out; and big Lego castle, troll, and armored knights set. He loved it and it was awesome to have some family time. The boys will be farmed out to grandma's house for the weekend.

Friday the white wonder (cat) has been lonely without the smelly dog. He's been walking around the house merrowing loudly for attention. He does this weird thing where he merrows like he has something super important to tell you until you follow him (he is kinda like a dog) where he walks back and forth making noise like "follow me, follow me!" until you follow him. Where does he lead you? to his food dish - which is not empty. He just wants to sit and eat his food while you watch him. odd. very odd.

I'm dragging tired from many consecutive nights of 4 hours of sleep or less. This is taking too long to type because I keep making mistakes and have to re-type it. Need sleep. Oi I am tired because I am thinking that "must ..... have sleep" sounded pretty cool if you say that like William Shattner as Capt. Kirk.